More about me. (This is a long one, folks.)

On Tuesday this week, I gave my two weeks notice at both of my jobs. It was bittersweet because I have been at one of the jobs for almost a year, but it had to be done. My only "job" for the next four months will be academics. This will be my last semester of school before I finally have my Bachelor's Degree, and quite frankly I've been putting it off for too long. I'll be twenty five when I graduate.

Why would I put off getting my degree?

Partly because I'm always wishing I could do more. I love English, but I also would have loved to study Music, Education, Social Work, Anthropology, or Human Services. Every day I think of reasons as to why I both love and hate my major. That kind of scares the hell out of me. I think to myself, "is it normal to love and second guess your major this much?" It boils down to this deep rooted fear I have of failing or of just realizing that maybe I'll find a good job, but I'll end up getting bored or disliking the path I've chosen. I've psyched myself out to the point that I've failed multiple classes even though I was passing with flying colors up until the last month of classes -- I would fail the final assignments that were worth a majority of my grade.

I promise you, I'm not throwing a pity party. But if I want you to know who I am (and I do), then I have to be honest about where I'm at in life. And right now, I'm working on a major comeback.

I remember when I was at my other school (before I transferred to the one I'm at now). It was in a big city which was thirty minutes from two of the even bigger cities in the state. It was a big change from my small town, which only took about five minutes to drive through if you got caught at all three of the stoplights. I made new friends who believed differently than me. I read new books that changed my opinions on certain topics. I went from a sheltered, controlled environment to one that was much less rigid. I eventually went through an identity crisis which prompted a me to leave school for the time being. I struggled with the decision, though. I probably went to my academic adviser every other week with a new concern: "I can't decide what I want to do after school, maybe I should change my major to something that guarantees a better job"; "I don't know that I like this major, but I don't know what else to study"; etc. There was one meeting where I was on the verge of tears, worrying over hypothetical situations, and my adviser told me how plenty of people had felt the same way I had. He told me how my learning experience wouldn't stop when I graduated, and that there would be more to experience and learn after my college career. My degree will give me an advantage in the professional world, but how I use my degree is up to me. His advice has been ever-present in my mind since that fall of 2010.

I took a three year break from school. For a lot of reasons. For one, I went to a school that other people at my church had attended (at the time; I no longer attend church), so I figured it would be a good place for me, too. And while this school was great, I began to realize that I was living my life by other people's standards. I'm a people-pleaser to a fault, to the point where I will sacrifice my desires to make other people happy. Sure this isn't a bad trait in small doses, but when it comes to big, personal decisions, those decisions need to be made based on what is best for YOU. At the end of your life, will you be okay knowing that you lived your life to make someone happy who you don't even speak to anymore? Or do you want to look back and know that you did everything you could to live the life that YOU wanted?

I value the three semesters I spent at that school, and I made friends that I still keep in touch with to this day. But I just had to take a break. I had only applied to one other school before going to that one, and I only did it because of a boy. (I know -- stupid move.) So I wanted to know if that was truly the path that I wanted. While I'm still studying the same degree, there are still a lot of spiritual and mental changes I've made since then, and I am so glad that I made them -- I'll divulge on those details later. :)

Anyway, I moved back home, I worked a lot, and later I moved to a city about thirty miles from home. I became a service trainer at one restaurant, and later I became an assistant manager at another. I was just a workaholic for those three years, because if I wasn't going to be in school, then I at least wanted to make some money, and prove to myself that I wasn't going to just sit around until I wanted to go to school again. I got some good experience in life and in leadership, and I truly believe that those experiences will help me begin a career after I graduate.

I learned a lot, and looking back on that season in my life, I've learned things that will help me in this last semester and after college.

I decided to go back to school in 2013, because.. well, I was a little jealous of my friends, some who were already starting their Master's Degrees! And they were younger than me. I decided that maybe I wasn't sure about what I wanted to do for a career, but at least if I had a degree, it would be easier to get started when I decided on one.

So here I am, two years after restarting my school career, and I am so glad that I'm going to have my degree in my four months! There will be sooo much celebrating and wine drinking after I graduate!

I'm partially typing this to stay accountable, but I also want you to know more of my story so that maybe if you're going through something similar, you know that you're not alone.